Special Olympics swimming season started this past weekend. A new athlete joined us, a young boy I’ll call Bryan. He asked me a question that has stuck with me.

Bryan is 12 or so, with the slightly goofy look of a boy growing into his body. He has braces on his too-large teeth. It was his first time swimming with us, so we needed to show him the locker room, how to get out to the pool, and so on. He was serious and inquisitive about all of these things that were new to him.

We got out on the deck and started stretching with the other athletes, most of whom don’t look like Bryan. They are older and have a variety of intellectual disabilities. Bryan surveyed the group then turned to me and asked the question: “is this for autistic people?”

I had only just met Bryan. I didn’t know his formal diagnosis (or if he even had one), and I didn’t know how he thought of himself. When he asked the question, I didn’t know if he was including himself in the category of autistic people or not, so I wanted to answer carefully.

Did he mean, “are autistic people allowed here?” or, “is this only for autistic people?” Maybe he meant, “are all of these swimmers autistic?” or even, “will being here mean I am autistic?”

I told him that it was for autistic people, that my own son Nat was here and Nat is autistic. Bryan accepted this in his sober way and continued on with the practice.

Later I talked with his mom about the question and asked her if Bryan identified as autistic. She said that he did, but it was a recent awareness for him. In school he’s in a typical integrated classroom.

Bryan did well at the practice, and called me “Coach Ned.” His mom was really appreciative of the group as a whole and was clearly pleased.

I’ve been thinking about Bryan and his question: “is this for autistic people?” He’s young, and finding his way in the world in so many ways. We all need to figure out who we are, what groups we belong to, where we fit. We all encounter difficulties in one way or another working all that out, and it’s a life-long process. Bryan has a lot to work on. I hope it isn’t too hard.