Thursday 11 September 2008 — This is 16 years old. Be careful.
At work, there are security awareness posters that read,
HP is protected by you
A colleague, in a fit of linguistic pique, railed against the passive voice. He pasted a new message over the poster:
You protect us.
I suggested a more powerful version:
Protect us!
Or even,
Help!
Maybe something got lost along the way...
Comments
However, a passive-voice sentence can usually be rewritten to use fewer words, by making it active. Usually, if you reduce the number of words in a sentence without changing its meaning, you've improved it. This is especially true for things like slogans and taglines, where cutting out even a single word can make worlds of difference.
I think that's why Strunk & White recommend avoiding passive voice.
To summarize:
Shorter is better.
Usually, I have high regards for concision, but in the case of this particular slogan, the intended nuance suffers. You're reading along, "HP is protected...." and you're thinking, you know, "hey, I work for a big stable company, it's all good, lots of protection around here, someone else must be on it, his job not mine, so I can relax--" but then all of a sudden you get to the end of the phrase, "by YOU", and it hits you. You enter a paradigm shift, and come to the realization that your own actions play a significant role in representing the corporation's integrity.
You don't really get to experience all this with the more desperate "You protect us" because you'd read that like, well I have a lot of other important things to do too, and there's nothing particular that I do every day to-- actively-- protect HP. But by employing the passive voice-- and YOU-- HP is all the more difficult to penetrate.
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